Aiyoooyoooooooo....

These famous/infamous quotes will forever be in the History of Malaysia!!!

1) Samy Velu on pos laju *"BESOK KIRIM, HARI INI SAMPAI"*

2) The one on TV when in trying to say he was ashamed, he said*:`Kemaluan saya besar`*

3) On drugs, *"Jangan hisap dada"

4) Samy said in a ceramah *"Kita akan bina satu jambatan untuk orong-orong kampong disini"*, one pakcik asked, "Datuk, sini takde sungai,buat apa bina jambatan?" and Samy glorious replied *,"Kalau takde sungai, kita bina sungai!"*

5) Samy's favorite quote on national television *"Toll naik sikit, manyak marah saya. You ingat semua ini toll saya punya bapa punya kah!"

6) During the water shortage crisis *: "semua orang diminta jgn membuang aiyerr..!"*

7) During blood donation campaign in Sg Siput:*"..marilah kita semua menderma dara.."*

8) During the opening speech of various function:*"...selamat datang saudara- mara semua.."* (actually is "saudara-saudari")

9) At an opening ceremony:* *"mempersilakan datin paduka rafidah aziz naik ke pentas utk membuka kain" *

10)Commenting about his modesty: *"sebenarnya, kemaluan saya sangat-sangat besar*"

And lastly u know why our N-S Highway concessionaire is named PLUS.
*PLUS = Pungut Lebih Untuk Samy *

Ah Beng

Keep On Rockin'
Ah Beng - NEW STUFF
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Ah Beng bought a new mobile.He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,' My Mobile No. Has changed.Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610 '=====================================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .Friend: Really, what is he studying.Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
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Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
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Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?Wife: No! I ' ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?Ah Beng : No, I ' ll also stay with your sister.
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Ah Beng : People consider me as a ' GOD 'Wife: How do you know??Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,Oh GOD! U have come again.
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Ah Beng complained to the police: ' Sir, all items are missing,except the TV in my house. 'Police: ' How the thief did not take TV? 'Ah Beng : ' I was watching TV news... '=====================================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying ' Parking Fine 'He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole ' Thanks for complement. '=====================================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erasesthe board.
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Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecastannounced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it wouldbe hot.
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Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up andSays ' Hello, how did you know I was here? '
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Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cupAh Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?=====================================================
Teacher: ' I killed a person ' convert this sentence into future tenseAh Beng : The future tense is ' u will go to jail '
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Ah Beng told his servant: ' Go and water the plants! 'Servant: ' It ' s already raining. 'Ah Beng : ' So what? Take an umbrella and go. '=====================================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and notin the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

English - From around the World

Cocktail lounge, Norway:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome:

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:

DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THEMANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:

TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD ISIMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:

ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:

PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUTTHEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:

GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTINGBEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:

SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:

THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:

YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIANAND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITETHAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVETOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THISPURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:

BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THEOPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USEDFOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:

WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome:

LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOONHAVING A GOOD TIME.

Be Vert very Quiet.....

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."

Puns

Puns

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown.One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'
7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome,' said the doctor. 'Is it common?' 'Well, it's Not Unusual.'
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true, no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.The one turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off. 'Because', he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

For Malaysians ONLY.....

Words Malaysians can incorporate into their daily lives:
"Anwarized" - meaning: To get back-stabbed.. i.e. People who have been anwarized may contact the DPM's hotline
"Badawized" - meaning: To be stupified ...........i.e. Malaysians seem to be badawized by the media which reports biased news
"Najibbed" - meaning: To be blown to bits .....i.e. In this country,you better be careful with what you say, you can be najibbed otherwise
"Petrad" - meaning: To be exposed ...........i.e. Lately the BN coalition has been petrad in many ways
"KayJayed" - meaning: To shout for no reason i.e. He kayjayed in the Dewan and appeared like a moron
"Balaed" - meaning: To vanish suddenly i.e. They opposition balaed from the meeting in protest
"Lingamed" - meaning: To repeat redundantly i.e. The Information Minister lingamed the same rubbish in the debate recently.
"Soileked" - meaning: To be caught on tape i.e. People have stopped using budget hotels as they are afraid of being soileked.

A short Malaysian fiction story:
Altantuya was cold bloodedly najibbed after she attempted to petra Najib for anwarising her and not making the promised payments. Razak was badawized into covering up for Najib while Najib balaed from the scene. Razak was actually anwarized. However Najib lingamed that he had nothing to do with it and has been kayjaying on the topic in an attempt to prove his innocence. Nevertheless, some quarters have been threatening that they have soileked evidence that Najib was involved.

"To Love Malaysia, is to know Malaysia" !

Source: Cheers - V

Wisdom Words

True Joy is giving without remembering.

Love is compassion with no distinction!